MILFH slagging a copper off

this weekend was crap, family weddin + me driving, me sober me wanting to throttle someone as i have to sit and listen to my MILFH slag me off in front of everyone, she did fall over, shout

at the bar manager, tried to punch the groom in the face and was told by the police to calm down else they would have to put her in the cells for a while until she calmed down ( shame they didnt lock her up for a few days).

So nothing short of a typical family do, oh apart from i might have now been banned from driving as i was rushing to get home as she was in the back moaning about my driving while SP said nothing, and i didnt realise all the speed camera on the M1, behind the bridges so i was doing 80 for at least 5 miles.

I have been told it takes 14 days to get a court/ticket that will just top my weekend off.

im back

where did i go? did i get divorced, nope, did the MILFH die off, not likely, she will outlive us all, no i just couldn't remember my password, and was at work last night and remembered it, and they say us women are useless at remembering stuff.

well i have good news i have had a another little girl, cant quite believe it as i didnt want any more, i had enough with 3 kids and a SP but here i am mum to 4!, also the MILFH is moving!! we will no longer live near her, cant quite believe it myself, she still hasnt changed but whats new

SOFT PRICK MAY BE COMING AROUND TO MY WAY IN THINKING

Saturday was what i thought it would be, a fucking nightmare! It started as i thought it would, MILFH at the head of the table, even though it was FIL's birthday. Then there was SP's whole family around her. He has 3 brothers and 1 sister, and they are all fucked up like there mum.
His eldest brother is divorced and lives with them, he came for a month and ten months later he is still there. He really is a pain in the arse, he has 2 pints he is annoying, 3 pints and hes pissed up, 4 pints and hes trying to garb you all over, and 5 pints and hes fighting anybody.
The next one, keeps away from his parents unless its a birthday or mothers/fathers day, a dark horse but very wise.
His sister is a first class bitch, she always gives you the look, you know the one where she starts at the top, down to the bottom and then just sneers, yes she is a single woman with a different bloke every time you see her and wears all fancy gear and well, i don't but every time you get a comment, on Saturday it was you look well, out on weight? i smiled and stood there wishing i could scream at her telling her to fuck off!
The other brother is a complete arse, left his two sons and wife for another woman and now flaunts that he is a single man again- doesn't go down well with the woman he has at the moment as she wants to drag him down the aisle as quick as possible.
The whole family is fucked up and we were sat at the bottom of the table.
SP wasn't talking to me as he was listening to what the others were saying and every time i tried he just nodded his head, not listening and then carried on ignoring me, i was pissed off not drinking and spent the night entertaining the kids, they were fed up and so was I.
As the night wore on they got more pissed up, I got more pissed off. I told SP we wanted to go, and it was always in a minute, in a minute.
I waited half an hour, and decided enough was enough,got up the kids and said thank you for the meal to MILFH , happy birthday to FIL and went to leave, by this time SP had decided he had had enough and was coming home too, wise choice since i was the only one not drinking, even though the others had brought there cars, and from previous experience never seemed to bother with the don't drink and drive rule, from that only you can tell the whole family is fucked up.

As soon as we got in we went straight to bed, i was tired and all i wanted to do is sleep, I locked the doors and went to bed, glad it was all over....

well until the phone rang constantly 3 hours later. I didn't want to pick it up, i had a fear it was her, but then again it could be an emergency. Shit, i didn't know what to do, SP wouldn't answer it as he said it would only be for me anyway. bloody great, this is all i needed.
I picked it up, didn't say anything, and knew from the noise i could hear it was her pissed up, i put it down straight away, and just hoped she didn't realise i had pick it up, SP said i was ignorant for not speaking, i told him it was his mother so he talk to her, he didn't like that idea and when the phone rang again and again he went and pulled the plug out, complaining about how he did his head in, hmmmmm maybe it wasn't all bad then, maybe he realises his mum isn't so bloody great, here's hoping!

Keeping The Peace

The SP hasn't figured out that i am not talking to him yet, even more so now that i have got to go to FIL birthday do on Saturday night. I would rather watch Eurovision Song Contest than go, but SP says i should go to keep the peace, me keep the peace!!!, when i said it was his mother that was accusing me of things he phoned her up and said to come over, what an arse, he is really pissing me off, and now i have to go to the stupid meal because it is not fair on SP. He said he wont go if i don't, great I'm being black mailed by him and the MILFH says she is sorry, she didn't mean what she said, but can i ring the holiday company back to change it back.

What?!? change it back to what? She really is unbelievable, I told SP when she had gone that i didn't do anything in the first place, his response...

'Just try and move their pitch, you know whats shes like' oh well that's OK then, she can be a bitch and say shes sorry but still think i did it, I really hate her at the moment and the last place i want to go is out for a meal, which we cant afford to go to, and be nice to her as she sits at the top of the table being Queen Bee.

This is one night when I am glad I am driving as I could see me telling her to fuck off, if i had a few voddies down me.
I might pretend to be ill then get out of going, then i can watch shite on TV and not see that smug cow, come to think of it, I do feel a bit off it, cough...cough

Battle Of The Wills

The MILFH has been pulling at SP's apron strings and raining him in for a battle of will against me and her. The documents for the holiday came through yesterday and she is not happy and i have got the bloody blame for it, and i wasn't even there when they booked it!

The reason she is causing strife between me and SP is that she hasn't got a nice pitch, and we have, and were not next to each other ( thank GOD for that!!!!!!)

Why I have got blamed for it? I have not a clue, but she is accusing me of ringing up the holiday company and changing the pitches so we are as far apart as possible and i have put her next to the clubhouse where they will be the screaming kids that have been dumped by the parents who are trying to make a run for it and have two hours worth of peace and quiet ( and yes i was one of the parents, bloody bliss it was them two hours - there old enough now to bugger off and have fun without us being there)

Have you ever had a moment when someone is kicking off and all you want to do is smile!!!!

Well that was me. She was screaming and shouting accusing me of everything - which i didn't do, but bloody hell I really should have thought of it, I really should buy the person who did this a drink though, I was having such fun but then she brought SP into it, and she was there asking him to chose who he believed!

He just said he wanted to be kept out of it! The soft bastard, wouldn't even tell her she was wrong and out of order, so now were not talking, well OK I am not talking to him he thinks i should calm down and stop being stupid!!!
Me! how the hell can he say i should calm down, the silly bitch is loving this i can tell!

HOW TO LEARN TO SPEAK FRENCH

Things are rapidly spiralling out of control, she came across yesterday with a load of french dictionary's which she had just bought from town.
I asked her why she had so many?
'Because there may be different variations in French depending which part we go to and since were travelling down through France we may need them all, so at least you wont get stuck, when i want you to get me something.'
Yes she really is that slack.
I told her that there might be different accents like there is in this country but in general French is French.
Oh no, she was told by this girl in the bookshop that she really needed them all, so obviously she is right and just wasn't after a large sale.
OK i give up she wont believe me, well its her money.
'I will leave them here' she pushed my work that i had just sorted out nice and neat into a messy pile and put them down.
she must have seen my puzzled face, as i have no idea why i would want them for.
'There for you.... you see i thought between now and August you can read them all every night and learn all them words, then you will be able to speak French when we go'
Bloody Hell, throw me a Japanese dictionary too and i will learn that too.
I did TRY and tell her that i was crap at French at school and i will be able to ask for certain things but no amount of dictionary's will make me fluent in the language.
' Well you really should make an effort these books weren't cheap'
Yes i thought i could have a flick at ONE, if she wants to pay for 6 books when you only need one, then that's her problem, she didn't have to I suppose.
'Besides i am not going to speak to them, so everything i want you will have to ask for me'
Oh i WILL, will I?
I gave her my fuck off smile- the one that she still hasn't got yet- or the one she ignores anyway.
'Well i will leave you to it, you have a lot to get through'
Yes, she has got the hint, I really need to get my work done and the kids will be home soon, the house is still a mess and there's pile of clothes that i found under C1's bed that i need to wash before they crawl out of the house in disgust, with being left stuck together for so long.
'Oh by the way that will be £45 that you owe me, have i to add it onto the money you owe me for the holiday'
I had no idea what she was on about, £45?, i asked
'Yes dear, for the books, its not me that will be using them'
She then smiled and walked out.
AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

I Can't Believe It

I hate my HUSBAND!!!!! I also hate myself for being such a stupid bitch!!

Can you believe it that we are actually going on holiday with the in laws, and we owe them money now!!!!!

The stupid arse, booked us a holiday, and because they wanted the money straight up next week the MILFH paid for us and her straight up, So now not only are we going to the South Of France for 3 weeks with the in laws, we owe them bloody money too, (she promised she wont tell anyone- so that's fucked it up straight away by next week everyone will know)

I am so mad i am not talking to him, yes i said it but not for real, and he knows it!!! I really need to think fast on my feet to get myself out of this mess, shes coming on in a minute to discuss what the plan is,and all the details.
I am NEVER drinking again!!!